More Birthdays

Birthday Girl 2

Last weekend saw another birthday. This time a quite significant one for Sarah. We wont go into details but its more than 49 and less than 50. The party was held in a lovely pub in Sarah`s home town of St. Neots. As is usual the arrangements to mobilise the Pollards were incredibly complicated, involving leaving cars strategically placed in various locations, hotels, countless phone calls and texts and a huge dollop of confusion.

Up early on the day, Sarah washed Mums hair then set off early to meet up with her family to get ready. Mum had picked a new dress for the party but as usual decided she wouldnt wear it. We were to leave for the venue at 3 picking up the lovely old gentleman on the way. To be on the safe side I thought it better to check on the dress situation every half an hour or so. No, adamantly no, she was sure..no.

3 oclock arrives, "Mum, lets get in the car and go shall we?"

"I want to wear my dress"

"Mum, its 3 oclock we have to go"

"I want to wear the dress"

Cue Panic stations. 

Calm Jon Calm.

Bites tongue.

Manages to get dress on then faced with the agonising shoe decision process

Bites tongue a little harder.

20 minutes later we are ready to leave. Not looking at each other but ready to leave. Luckily as soon as the lovely gentleman gets in the car on the other side of town her face lights up and we're off.

The Rivermill is a lovely venue on the side of the river, an old mill. Wonder where they got the name? We have the upstairs to ourselves, 40 odd people for a meal and various others turning up for drinks. We were a little concerned about how Mum would cope with the noise and being among so many strangers but she did admirably. Out for a little walk at one point before the meal but as soon as the food arrived she was in her element. Three courses and cake to follow.

All in all a great night was had by all, followed by a monster breakfast in St. Neots Market square. Ace.

Squirrelling 

Once again Mum has started creating small stashes of food in her bedroom, maybe preparing for the coming apocalypse? This time it started with a couple of bags of chocolate cake decorations. Since the party there has been a gradual exodus of Sarah's birthday chocolates. The stockpile is growing. Small bunches of grapes disappear. Nuts, crisps and biscuits. Should we ever be faced by global food shortages Mum's room will become a Mecca for sweet and savoury snack lovers the world over.

As before I've decided to just keep an eye on things. As long as there are no food hygiene problems then fine.

Birthday Boys

We are slap bang in the middle of birthday season at the moment. Wednesday this week is mine. Then next week is the lovely old gentlemans. I will be celebrating mine sitting in a field next to a disused airfield in Northamptonshire. The gentle man wont.

Where was I?

Instalment no. 2

The problems we were having with mums blind and the wardrobe doors seem to have abated. Sometimes Mum seems to think that her "little house" is all she has left in the world..she needs reassurance that the rest of the house is still hers to use as she pleases. Every few days she seems very down, almost worried that she will be left on her own with nothing. Hard to describe really. She doesnt have the words to tell us what the problems are, or tell us how we can help. As usual humour seems to be no1 method of rescue followed by loud rousing music, walks, food, a nice cup of tea or a spin in the Jag.


This coming weekend we have yet another party, for Sarahs birthday. Mum is a little excited if unsure where when or why its taking place. She has a new frock and of course ten shiny nails from Rushton Hall. She will be accompanied by the lovely Gentleman who I am sure will be resplendent in a blazer and slacks.


Sarah has a beautiful dress supplied indirectly by one of the countries leading heart surgeons, amazing hair by one of Londons top colourists and twenty nails by Rushton Hall.


I of course will try my best to find two matching socks and an outfit that will cover my rapidly expanding girth. If I have time I may even comb my hair.

Footnote.

Last week was a full year since I had my last cigarette. I smoked at least 20 a day since I was about 14 years old. 

I am now 3.5 stones heavier and still feel like my lungs are full of glue.

On a plus side food tastes absolutely amazing, I smell quite a lot better, and more importantly, I have increased my life expectancy by quite a few years.

I hope to fully reap the rewards this year as I concentrate on shedding those stones and shifting that glue.

Its nice to think there's a good chance I will be around to look after Mum for as long as she needs me.

Get my ass back into gear.

Sorry about the lack of blogs lately, no excuse really, just seemed to have lost a bit of momentum.


Going to do a couple of updates today and tomorrow. 


First things first had a lovely email which I will copy in its entirety......

Dear Jon

Just spent a really enjoyable hour or so reading your blog, and hope you won't mind me putting a link to it on a website I'm working on just now. If you do, please let me know.

I'm currently helping out as a volunteer with a website called A Carer's Voice  http://www.acarersvoice.com 

The site was started at the beginning of May by Ann Pascoe. She's a carer for her husband Andrew who like your mum has vascular dementia.  They live in Portgower, a tiny village on the east coast of Sutherland up here in the Highlands.

Through looking after her husband, Ann has become an active campaigner on behalf of carers.  She was recently awarded a travel fellowship from the Churchill Trust and as a result, the pair of them are now in Goa, India, on the first leg of a trip where she will be looking at new approaches to supporting carers of people with dementia. 

Ann has begun blogging on A Carer’s Voice with dispatches from Goa and Andrew, who's a keen photographer, is doing his own picture blog. It sounds like they're having fun - Ann(65) has been letting her hair down on the back of a scooter, doing yoga and sampling the delights of the local cuisine. Work-wise, she's been to visit a local care home, where she presented the manager with a little bag of Scottish Heather (some kind of drawer freshener) which the bewildered recipient apparently started to nibble at.

I wondered if you thought visitors to your site might be interested in keeping up with them via a link to us? They can get straight to the blog at

http://www.acarersvoice.com/category/ann-blog/ 

I'm attaching a recent press release about Ann and Andrew  - please feel free to contact me for any other information you'd like

And keep up the good work - the new site's looking excellent.

Regards

Peter 

A Carer's Voice 

Please have a look at the site and the blogs, its very very interesting reading, and gives a good perspective on how dementia need not be the end some people think.

Birthday Girl

Last weekend Mum hit the grand old age of 75 so the girls took her for a spa and manicure at Rushton Hall, former home of the all round good egg and total nutter that was Thomas Tresham.

Heres two sisters and a Mum having a spot of lunch to tide them over..

And Sarah having a low-cal power snack after the swim..

Nails done..

In the afternoon we saddled up and travelled all the way to Wellingborough for one of the best meals I have had in a long time at the Mien Tay restaurant. Excellent Vietnamese food.

All in all an excellent weekend. Mum continuously swinging between tears and laughter.

First update out of the way..off to barbecue some dead stuff then instalment number 2 will follow this evening.

A Problem

A Problem.

We seem to have a problem. Its in Mums new house, in the vicinity of the window. Its mainly first thing in the morning and last thing at night. We are struggling  to ascertain the exact nature of the problem.

It usually starts with Mum beckoning me either into her room or out of the front door. This will be followed by a lot of pointing and gesturing. Something around the window has met with her disapproval. This morning it started in the room at 10.00. We broke down the constituent parts...

• Do you like the window?      
• Yes
• Do you like the nets?             
• Yes
• Do you like the blind?           
• Yes
• Do you like the windowsill? 
•  Yes
• Do you like the view?            
• Yes
• So is everything ok?                
• No

Round and round and round we go. 

Can you tell me what the problem is Mum? Its....Ten.....its.....here......its........

Points and waves at the window.

Goes outside and points and waves more. 

After the best part of two hours of this I am crushed. 

Luckily we agree on a truce and adjourn for tea and toast.

As I write this I am preparing for this evenings bout.

Dementia causes a lot of crossed wires and short circuits. A sufferer will not see, hear, say or comprehend things in the same way as us. The problem that is manifesting itself to mum may not even exist in the "real" world. Maybe we will get to the bottom of it or maybe just a case of grin and bear it.

Copy.

In other matters, attended a copywriting course hosted by The Copywriting Coach. An excellent course and I am ignoring everything I learnt on the day here. Sorry Gillian! The main reason for attending  the course was to get valuable pointers for assembling the vast amount of draft material I have for dementiacarer.com and hopefully start to publish some of it. A great course and lots of useful information taken on board.

Cool Dad and other matters.

Another little story: Cool Dad

Out for a quick hobble with hoppalong the other day. We were doing one of our regular short walks as the weather didn't look too promising. Walking down a long hill through the estate  I heard a strange rumbling sound approaching from behind accompanied by a very polite voice saying "excuse me" "coming through" and other such phrases.

On turning round I was greeted by the wonderful sight of a man, probably early thirties, nice pinstripe suit, beautifuly cut hair blowing in the breeze. He was astride a childs scooter and approaching at a right old lick. "Thankyou" he said as he bunny hopped off the kerb and hurtled down the middle of the road towards the crowd of kids leaving the school. 

As he approached the kerb he performed a perfect tailwhip onto the footpath, handed the scooter over to his daughter and they headed back up the hill. The smile on her face was heartwarming to see. 


If I had ever had kids I would have been a dad like that. Except I would have probably fallen off. And my hair wouldn't have been as nice.

In other Matters.

Sorry about the lack of posts.

No excuse.

No news is good news really. As mum has vascular dementia there is no telling how the disease will progress. Her condition could stay fairly stable for a while then suddenly dip, or maybe there could be a gradual decline. This is one of the problems faced by a dementia carer, there can never be an accurate prognosis, every day, month and even year has to be approached with a totally open outlook.

No two consecutive days will be alike. The condition can change at the drop of a hat. Nice Mum can be chased away by nasty Mum at any time. The secret is learning to  read the signs and having ready to roll out diversionary tactics for whenever the need arises.

Mum has been doing a lot of swimming  with Fabia and yoga with Sarah and really enjoying both. We are also finding music can be a wonderful distraction when she becomes too confused or agitated. Putting on a CD can carry her away for a couple of hours or more. The Rites of Spring being a particular favourite.

Now I am once again working on the website it would be great to have  input from others who are using music or art in dementia care. Both are being used to great success and its something that I have only recently started reading about. Please feel free to contact me via the comments below if  this is an area you could maybe spare a few words about.

 

When random acts of kindness go wrong.

Popped down to the shops the other day to get a few bits and bobs. Couldnt get into any of the free spaces, noticing the abundance of wardens I duly coughed up my 70p, put the sticker in the window and into Sainsburys I went.

20 minutes or so later I am back at the car. As I had paid for the minimum 2 hours parking I passed the ticket to the lovely little old lady who had parked next to me. 

Ooh your so kind she said putting the sticker in her window and wandering off to the shops.

I drove the short drive home with a warm glow because of my random act of kindness. 

Anyway, getting the bags out of the car I noticed a carpark sticker in the window. 

Oh dear

I had given her the wrong ticket.......

So if any of you know a lovely little old lady who is moaning about an aged hippy causing her to get a parking fine...

Tell her I'm sorry.

A little story and more.

A little story.

The other night on twitter I told a little story, a little something that happened on that day. I didn't really expect anyone to notice it but got quite a few nice responses. I'll tell it here too.


About eighteen months ago we had some wardrobes built by a local joiner, Scott, lovely bloke, Buddhist but that's not important. Our paths have crossed maybe once or twice since then and we always had a quick chat. Skip to this week, Mum was out for a little walk round the block, something we encourage, trying to promote as much independence as possible. I get a knock on the door, its Scott. He had seen Mum walking along on her own and knowing her condition drove up to make sure she hadn't wandered off. 


That's it really. Just nice to know there are still people looking out for others.

In other matters

Apologies for  the lack of blogs, but generally that's a good thing as it means there's not a lot happening. Mum seems to be taking longer and longer to get going in the morning, she says she is sleeping well in her "little house" maybe its just the progression of her dementia.

There is also still some confusion at night, she will sometimes go to bed only to reappear full dressed again an hour or so later. We tried getting her in a shower then into pyjamas after tea, then watch a little tv but that just seemed to confuse her more. We will leave her to her own devices for now, just gently persuade her back to bed when she appears.

It looks like the wardrobe doors can stay, no complaints about them for a week or so. That means the rooms are all done, Mum all settled in and feeling at home. Brilliant. 

She has given up on assembling the pistachio mound  and has taken instead to stockpiling crème fraiche in her room. Just have to pop in every now and then when she's not looking to check what's being hoarded next.

Hols.

Plans are now starting for this years caravan holiday. If you missed reading last years its worth going back to have a look, some interesting pics and stories. This year, all being well we are off to the south of France in September. Three days drive down, a week there and 3 days back so looking for interesting stop off points on the journey. Suggestions most welcome!

I've been playing around with "Instagram" on my phone, here's a couple of pics from it.

Flower Arranging

The finished article.