Where was I?

Instalment no. 2

The problems we were having with mums blind and the wardrobe doors seem to have abated. Sometimes Mum seems to think that her "little house" is all she has left in the world..she needs reassurance that the rest of the house is still hers to use as she pleases. Every few days she seems very down, almost worried that she will be left on her own with nothing. Hard to describe really. She doesnt have the words to tell us what the problems are, or tell us how we can help. As usual humour seems to be no1 method of rescue followed by loud rousing music, walks, food, a nice cup of tea or a spin in the Jag.


This coming weekend we have yet another party, for Sarahs birthday. Mum is a little excited if unsure where when or why its taking place. She has a new frock and of course ten shiny nails from Rushton Hall. She will be accompanied by the lovely Gentleman who I am sure will be resplendent in a blazer and slacks.


Sarah has a beautiful dress supplied indirectly by one of the countries leading heart surgeons, amazing hair by one of Londons top colourists and twenty nails by Rushton Hall.


I of course will try my best to find two matching socks and an outfit that will cover my rapidly expanding girth. If I have time I may even comb my hair.

Footnote.

Last week was a full year since I had my last cigarette. I smoked at least 20 a day since I was about 14 years old. 

I am now 3.5 stones heavier and still feel like my lungs are full of glue.

On a plus side food tastes absolutely amazing, I smell quite a lot better, and more importantly, I have increased my life expectancy by quite a few years.

I hope to fully reap the rewards this year as I concentrate on shedding those stones and shifting that glue.

Its nice to think there's a good chance I will be around to look after Mum for as long as she needs me.

Words

Words


Never take them for granted. We spend a lot of our time in conversations. Spoken, written, typed even signed. They are all words.


Dementia takes the conversations  away. Sometimes it leaves all the words but no ability to string them together. Sometimes, as is the case with Mum, the words disappear first, leaving the conversations locked inside with no means of expression. This quite often results in bouts of frustration, maybe even anger when she wants to tell or ask something.


Today has been one of those days. Mum was out in the morning with  the respite carer,  visited a garden centre looking at decorations. She is always in a good mood after a morning with Donna, as am I after a morning "off"


Quick visit to see the lovely gentleman for coffee then home. Mum disappeared upstairs for a while, probably to top up the nut mountain while I started to prepare tea. 


We then had a good two or three hours of  Mum trying to tell or ask me something. We just cannot get to the bottom of it. We tried all the usual methods to no avail.


It could be something as simple as her wanting to visit somewhere or something as complex as a desire to learn astro-physics, there is no way to tell. 


Sarah in from work and she can shed no light either. In the end we had to switch to the diversion tactics of food and me acting the fool. This does have a relatively good success rate and worked like a charm this time.


It seems that if Mum manages to convey her thoughts straight away there is no problem, but as soon as she stops or struggles the thread is lost, mostly never to return. I think I will try to bring this up with her tomorrow as it did seem to be something important.


An example from this week,

• "Its red I cant see it"
• What is it mum?
• "Its red, it was in the thing"
• What was it in mum?
• "Its red, you know..."
• Repeat ad infinitum

Anyway she is watching that funny man with the hat (Fred Dibnah) on the telly happy as Larry, so Sarah and I can settle down with a glass and a bit of radio

Weekend planning.

Fabia here today so we are starting to plan her jaunt with Mum this weekend at the christmas markets. Two nights chez Fabia and one night in Rochester.

We have a bag packed and ready to go and Mum has been primed with the itinerary. We drop her of with Fabia Friday teatime, Friday night in Lynn then on the coach to Rochester to stay at the Holiday Inn with FIVE yes FIVE free drink vouchers. Sunday, travel to Canterbury then back to Lynn for another night chez Fabia. Return home Monday.

Simple.

Its Tuesday now. We have the best part of three days of bag unpacking and repacking. Three days of

What am I doing?

When am I going?

What day is it?

What day do I go?

Where am I going?

You never tell me anything!!


Think the food and humour tactics will work best for the next few days. Diversion and redirection. If Mum's not eating then make her laugh. Generally seems to work in the short term.

Once aboard the charabanc she will be so excited that all the worries disappear. She does still enjoy an outing of any description.



The pistachio mountain has been restocked as I forgot to hide the start of the xmas snack stockpile, and a search of the bedroom will be in order whilst she eats breakfast tomorrow as my new tube of toothpaste disappeared within seconds of me returning from the supermarket.




If you haven't checked it out yet please have a look at my website dementiacarer.comwhich will soon be the new home for this blog. It has links to other people providing care for dementia sufferers, the start of a forum and other bits and bobs.The aim is to try to provide a place for people touched in any way by dementia to hang out and recieve or offer advice, support and help.


Please pop over, sign up and introduce yourself in one of the forums. The only way it can work is if we get a bit of "community" going on. Suggestions for improvements and content are always most welcome