24/10/13

Mrs Pollard has left the building.

We tried. We really tried. We tried everything we could.

The live in carer idea seemed amazing on paper but was just not meant to be. Mums dementia has progressed too far to control with the normal diversionary tactics that have been so successful over the years. The violent outbursts have become too common and the mood swings too unpredictable. After a huge amount of soul searching Mum has been admitted to hospital for assessment to try to work out if  meds can stabilise the condition, without removing too much of the Mum we all remember.

The plan is that Mum will then go from the hospital straight to a care home. We know this is the best, the only answer but it was such an unbelievably difficult decision to make.

Mum has left the house she loved so much, never to return

When you have spent your whole life in the company of someone so strong, intelligent and able to rise above whatever life threw in their direction it is so hard to become the person to decide their future.

To see Mum today, asleep, drugged, half on half off a hospital bed in a such a stark, bare room very nearly broke me in two. 

This lady who has been a tower of strength and wisdom for so many years.
This lady who sat quietly in the wings ready to offer the most amazing help and counsel, but only when needed.
This lady who was  the most amazing, intelligent, caring, wise, loving lady you could ever hope to meet.

To see her, so helpless made me realise the roles have been reversed. We are now the ones who need to be strong, wise and caring. This is Mums Hour of need. 

Over to us.

Hello again

If you are a new reader to this blog may I suggest you read this and maybe one or two of the earlier ones to get a rough idea of how this all started.

Who Cares?

Following much family deliberation we have decided to take on full time carers for mum. Many factors have played a part in this decision, but principally Mums needs are becoming more and more demanding and I am finding it harder and harder to cope with the levels of care needed.

After several years where the main focus of a huge amount of my time, feelings and emotions has been focused on the well being of another, I finally realised that I have neglected caring for myself.

At first, when discussing care, the only thoughts going through my head were things like

"I've failed my Mum"

"No one will care for Mum like I can"

I now realise how wrong these two statements are. I haven't failed at all, I did a bloody good job for a long time, but now I need to let someone else take over, someone emotionally unattached, someone who can focus on care.

I also realise that I need to let go. I am all cared out. This doesn't mean I don't "care" what happens to Mum, just that I can no longer "care" for her as well as I would like, or provide the level of "care" that she needs. 

So it is with great trepidation that we allow carers amongst us. Will Mum like them? Will they like Mum? Will they like me and Sarah? Will we like them? Will they keep my spices in alphabetical order? 

The answers to these and many other questions will be answered over the next few weeks.

Gis a Job.

So...It is with great trepidation I re-enter the jobs market.

I havent had a real full time job for several years. At the same time I am very excited and also terrified at the prospect of rejoining the 9-5. Countless people tell me that I have been doing an amazingly worthwhile and rewarding job for so many years but I doubt many prospective employers will see it this way. 

So....If you know anyone looking for a caring hippy who loves some or all of the following please let me know.

• Driving
• Putting things in alphabetical order and straight lines
• Talking to people
• Listening to people
• Umm...some other stuff.

The important stuff.

There are two other things I need to share with you. 

But...

You will have to wait for the next blog for them.

Its well worth waiting though, damn exciting.