Big Cat sighted in Harborough

Big Cat sighted in Harborough

For a long time now mum has had an obsession with Jaguars. It started when the Nice Gent took her out for a test drive in one when he was thinking about his six monthly car change. Any time we see one in a car park or are passed by one she has to stop and have a look. "Very nice."

So, we thought if Mum likes Jags Mum will have a Jag. One quick Ebay best offer of not very much and now this beasty is on the drive.

A 1996 XJ Executive, Interior like a gentlemans club all walnut and leather and clothed in a very caddish British Racing Green. As we had to travel to the quaintly named Steeple Bumpstead to collect the beast we thought we would combine it with a visit to Saffron Walden to visit someone from twitter. If you use twitter and you dont follow the wonderful @ladytronfashion then quite frankly you are wasting your time. A very pleasant couple of hours talking to Tom in his shop (currently 50% off everything) Mum in a lovely new cardigan and Sarah with a new dress we hit the road in the Jag. Mum loves it, spends most of the drive home stroking the dashboard and saying "lovely" If nothing else her mind is off the builders for a while.


Grans Designs.


As usual I have forgotten to take photos but the east wing is progressing nicely. Plastering is nearly finished, the wall panels are done in the ensuite, waiting on quotes for fitted wardrobes but everything is progressing to plan.


Week Off


The big news, which I have saved till last, Mum is away for a week staying at Fabias in Kings Lynn. She has days out organised and a short break in the Cotswolds. Just hope she doesnt miss the Jag too much!

To make things even better Sarah has the week off too. Builders and weather permitting we are making plans for days out too. 

I am hoping Fabia may write a bit about her week with mum, to give another perspective. I think Mum and I both need this break, the changes taking place in the house are hard for her although in the long run they can only be a good thing.


I am going to dedicate part of my week to perfecting some curry sauces I have been experimenting with, so I may blog about that for a change, we shall see.

A guest appearance from @lostinnotation

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know I had a bit of newspaper coverage a few weeks ago. The article in the Harborough Mail was written by Elinor O'neil who I now know has bipolar. We agreed to do a guest blog for each other about caring and being cared for. You should really read her blog here lostinnotation.wordpress.com and  help in any way you can in the shoe project.

Elinor's Blog

Having a carer is something I never thought I would have need of until old age or disability struck. It seems that while old age is still some time away, although my aging face may tell a different tale, disability has come early to me.

When Jon Pollard and I decided to do guest blogs for one another, him on his role as a carer for his mum, and my on my own experiences of being cared for, I had to think twice. In a way although I have accepted my illness there is an incredibly strong part of me, a fighting independent, that likes to think that I have no need for a carer.

This however upon reflection is not true. When I was first admitted to hospital in Manchester many years ago the psychiatrist on call asked me who my carer was and whether my illness was being managed at all. My partner answered crossly, ‘she doesn’t need a carer, I look after her.’ It was such a sweet thing to say because although he did care for me deeply he did do even then in such a way that he didn’t even think it amounted to his being a carer.

Now, living back home with my parents, the focus of my care has shifted to my mother. When I was given leave from the depths of despair in the hospital it was to my mother that I would go. Even when she could not care for me and watch over me in my most suicidal state she ensured that there were others who would pick up the slack. My sister, my father, my brother and friends of the family would all take it in turns to keep watch. They would talk to me and they would listen to my tales of woe and do their best to distract me and keep me from the darkness.

My mother, friends and family have all played a huge part in keeping me well and out of hospital but when I was in hospital it was often they who would keep me going as well. They would bring me tales of the outside world, freshly laundered clothes and sweets and treats to keep my spirits up.

I think the hardest part of being cared for is that sometimes you just want everyone to back off and leave you to curl up in a hole and die. It is not fair to ask this of anyone and yet you cannot but hope that they will allow you to.

When I am high I can be a pain to care for. I do not listen well to suggestion and am bad-tempered and often out of sorts. My mother has tried on occasion as has the boy to look after my debit card until I come down. But I become crafty and take to withdrawing cash so as to maintain my independence and have a little fun with my mood.

There is a care plan that I have that reminds me of all the people I need to offer thanks to once I have recovered and so often the list is endless. To be cared for and indeed to admit to being cared for feels like a loss of something deep inside, a proud sense of independence, but at the same time it is this care that has stopped me from succumbing to suicidal urges, taking flight to Paris or coming in harm’s way.

When I am really ill I do not take care of myself and things like cooking or drinking go out the window and all I have time for is to become lost in my thoughts. Having a carer who is unobtrusive when times are good but there as soon as times are bad is invaluable for me and there is not time or the words to thank them all for what they do. But I do thank them from the bottom of my bipolar heart I really and truly do.

Today’s shoes are a pair of Kurt Geiger wonders which I bought from Ebay for a pretty price. They are not the most practical shoes to walk in but they are so pretty and I love the perspex heel on them and the leather front are lovely and comfy on my tootsies.  

Curry, New Look, Grans Designs and Breaking Glass

Curry.

Had Sarahs sister and hubby and the nice gentleman round  for  a curry night last night. Spiced chickpeas, Bombay potato, Lime and coriander chicken with vegetable rice. All day cooking but well worth it. Mum loved the company and we all ate and drank far too much. Mum kept going till after midnight so slept very well!

Experimenting more with curry related stuff today I think I have perfected my Curry Veg Soup, the recipe is here. If you try it please let me know what you think.

I also cooked up a batch of a curry sauce I have been playing with, went down very well. A little bit of fine tuning and I will put up the recipe for that too.

New look

Mum chose an interesting outfit to wear this morning. Under the jumper were three vests and an assortment of necklaces.

Luckily we were staying in today so she could potter around quite happily in her new look. May cause a bit of a commotion with the builders tomorrow so I think I will put some clothes out in advance.

Grans Designs

Builders here yesterday morning, first fix for the plumbing in the wet room is now done so hopefully the dividing wall can be blocked up and the wall panels can be fitted. Cant wait till its all done now so we can get mum settled in her new rooms. Mum is still struggling with how it will all work, I hope once the doors and walls are all in place and she can actually walk around it will make sense.

Breaking Glass

Got a little stressed at one point yesterday and found a brilliant release, maybe even better than swearing(take note Bee) A visit to the bottle bank. Throwing and smashing stuff is such a wonderful release, the sound of breaking glass is very therapeutic and as it works so well its a great excuse to buy more wine.

Beer and Books

Ebay


I advertised the recently removed garage door on ebay, in the process I got a little carried away with the description. Have a read here dont forget to have a look at the questions at the bottom. No bids whatsoever but very funny.


Grans Designs.


Sorry, totally forgot to take photos again. Will try to remember tomorrow. The floor is all insulated and boarded out, dividing wall is studded and boarded one side, shower tray is in place ready for the flooring to go over it. Tomorrow sees more plasterboarding and the start of the plumbing first fix. We have decided on positions for sockets, switches and light fittings I think the last bit of planning is the layout for the wardrobes. Mum out all morning with Donna so was good to be able to give the builders my undivided attention to tie up all these last details. Luckily Donna seemed to have walked  the legs off mum so she slept through most of the hammering and banging in the afternoon. All in all a productive day.


In other matters, any of you live in Harborough and interested in beer and books? I am starting a book club. We will meet on the 4th Tuesday of the month in one of Harborough's hostelries and discuss a book and the beer. The first meeting is the 24th Jan at 7.00 pm in the Cherry Tree which will serve as an introduction to the first book and to each other. Contact me in the comments below or twitter @hippy_jon for more details. 


Hope to see you there. 

A quick update

Things are progressing.
There is now a hole in the wall big enough to walk through. Mum not at all happy with the new door, it doesnt open and she wanted one to match the others, calmed down a little when she realised the plywood board was a temporary measure. I had hoped the wall being knocked through would have been a bit of a turning point but I think we will have to wait till there is an actual door that she can open and close at will.

Floor is chased out for the walk in shower waste, flooring people here in the morning to measure up. This area will be the wetroom, the dividing wall will go in once the floor levels are ok.

The window is in and glazed, wall insulated and blocked up. The white wall to the left is part of the dividing wall between the garages, needs to be blocked up. Sorry about the abysmal photos, will try to remember to get some in daylight tomorow.

All in all seems to be progressing nicely. House a little dusty but to be expected after taking out the wall.


Mum very much up and down today, had a little hissy fit with the builders, luckily they are both brilliant with her, and understand just when and how to make a laugh and a joke to divert attention.

We did some building work this time last year and I must admit Mum is finding it a lot harder to cope with it all this time. The noise in particular seems to be causing problems, so spending as much time as possible out of the house. Visited the gentleman this afternoon and mum stayed there for a couple of hours to see his new chair when it arrived. Had a chance to get tea ready and tidy up a bit for her return, so was a very welcome break.

Fabia here tomorow  so time for some reading. In the process of trying to start up a book club at the moment, so if you are in or near Market Harborough and like beer and books drop me a line. It will be taking place in the Cherry Tree on the 4th Tuesday of each month.

Swearing.

Not a huge amount to report today, which I suppose is a good thing.


Sarah took mum for a walk into town this morning so I had another lovely lie in. Mum came back in fine spirits, full of coffee and carrying half of Holland and Barrett. I think the fact that she slept right through and being without builders for a day has helped her mood a lot.


I took the advice of fellow blogger Bee and had a good swear today while Mum was out, marvellous. I can thoroughly recommend it as a stress relief. I think I may have invented some new swear words in the process.


It would seem my resolution to try harder on the blog is taking effect, now I just need a determined drive on dementiacarer.com . Dont want to lose the benefits I gained from the help so willingly offered by so many people.


In other matters I have  listed the garage door on ebay and got a little carried away with the listing, worth a read here, made me laugh anyway. 

Wall, Words, Time and Me

We have a wall.

I forgot to take a  picture before the building work started. Hunted high and low and found this one, with my beloved but now departed Capri in it.

The garage on the left is where all the action is taking place. It now looks like this.

The new brickwork is still a little damp, but where it is drying out the colour seems to be matched perfectly. This was a bit of a concern, we want it to blend in as much as possible.

Inside, the waste pipes are all plumbed in for the shower, sink and toilet and the door gets knocked through to the hall on Monday. Starting to take shape then. Hopefully once we can walk through from the house it will start to make sense to Mum. At the moment she is getting very frustrated with not being able to understand exactly how it will all work.

Time.

This is becoming a real struggle. Day, night, morning, evening all seem to be melding into one, but in no particular order. "I might go up" meaning to bed can be heard several times a day, and at any point in the day. Getting up in the night is becoming more regular, I think if she sleeps for half an hour then wakes she just assumes its morning so gets up. I find myself sleeping very lightly as I always have one ear open for Mum, just in case she gets up in the night.

Words.

The words seem to be leaving mum at a fair old speed at the moment. Whether this is a temporary glitch with all the work going on causing confusion remains to be seen. Hopefully some of them will come back when she can concentrate more.

Me.

One aspect of caring for a dementia sufferer that I really haven't dealt with is the psychological effect of  watching the disease eat away at the sufferer. I've never been a great one for expressing my feelings, facts and figures fine, feelings not so fine. To watch your Mum, someone who has always been a pillar of strength for you, gradually slip away is a hard thing to come to terms with. The feeling of helplessness mixed with anger that cant be shown. With most other diseases its easy to discuss needs and requirements of the sufferer, with dementia that gets harder and harder as it progresses, but, no matter how much you feel like shouting and swearing you have to suppress it for their sake. I think I need to learn to shout and swear to clear my system every now and again.

If you have a minute or two i would like you to read this blog written by someone I talk to on twitter. Be warned its a bit sweary but it says a lot of things I would like to shout about myself.

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

A good book and a comfy chair...


Younger Sis here yesterday, took mum out for a long walk and lunch at one of our local country parks so I chose to sit in a chair and read near enough all day. Bliss. Even better, got to lie in this morning as Fabia still here to look after Mum. Its the simple things sometimes. 

Mum went to bed last night around 11 and stayed there all night! Maybe the long walk tired her out enough? As the weather is still so mild thats something we can experiment with.


Grans Designs...

The garage door is off and the front wall bricked up to window level, window should be in Friday and door knocked throught to house Monday. Starting to get an idea of the space we have to work with. To get the bathroom and bedroom to fit with the fitted cupboards and wardrobes we have to be inch perfect with the layout, so working closely with the builders at the moment. Should get a couple of photos up on here tomorrow.

We have decided on flooring and wall coverings for the bathroom, just the bedroom to go. Mum has taken to wandering in and out every half  hour or so to inspect things , and is still getting a little worked up about what goes where and how it will all fit. A little concerned today that the builders may have forgotten the bathroom but with a good pointing session she is ok now. Till tomorrow.


I am hoping that once the internal wall is in for the bathroom and we are knocked through from the hall it will become much easier for her to understand. At least she has grasped the fact that it may take more than a day to finish the job.



 Anybody want to buy an up and over door?

 

Grans Designs.

The builders have arrived.


We now have a large hole in the ground at the entrance to the garage. Tomorrow this hole will be filled with concrete.Then a wall will be built on the concrete and a window fitted. With the addition of a door or two and some studding and plaster this area will become mums new downstairs bed room and walk in wet room.


Planning for the future.


At the moment mum is physically in good shape. Stairs are not a problem, but at some point in the future this will change. We have decided to make a bedroom and bathroom downstairs and hopefully get mum settled in and happy while she still has the capacity to help with the planning and design. Hard work though, dementia sufferers are not the easiest clients.


The bathroom will be a wet room which can be easily modified to enable a carer access to help with showering as and when the need arises. This is one job I really dont think I could feel comfortable with. Dont know if other carers feel the same?


In other matters.


Night and day seem to be blending into one at the moment. From the moment tea is over we begin. Upstairs for a few minutes to reappear in pyjamas, a little bit of telly then up stairs to get dressed again. All accompanied by "what time is it" over and over again. Mum can change half a dozen times on a "good night" Sometimes she wont settle till 2.00 - 3.00am.


Mornings are becoming a little strange lately too with a very disoriented mum knocking on the bedroom door at silly oclock asking for help. The conversation normally consists of  such things as :


"Theres nothing"
"Theres no-one"
" I tried and there was nothing"


We think she may actually be sleepwalking, something she has been known to do in the past, as she doesn't really respond, just makes the same statements over and again. All the more reason to get her settled downstairs as soon as possible.


Also Mum is taking longer and longer to "get going" in the mornings. She will eat breakfast and drink a cuppa but she isnt really in the room till probably mid afternoon. Dressing is getting a little haphazard, with inside out jumpers, back to front trousers and shoes on the wrong feet starting to make more regular appearances. Hopefully the move downstairs will be accompanied with a "simplification" of mums vast museum of outfits charting the history of fashion for the last 30 years.


On a slightly lighter note..old hoppalong the dog managed a walk unaided around East Carlton Park. If you havent met my dog have a look here and you will understand why this makes me so happy.