Wall, Words, Time and Me

We have a wall.

I forgot to take a  picture before the building work started. Hunted high and low and found this one, with my beloved but now departed Capri in it.

The garage on the left is where all the action is taking place. It now looks like this.

The new brickwork is still a little damp, but where it is drying out the colour seems to be matched perfectly. This was a bit of a concern, we want it to blend in as much as possible.

Inside, the waste pipes are all plumbed in for the shower, sink and toilet and the door gets knocked through to the hall on Monday. Starting to take shape then. Hopefully once we can walk through from the house it will start to make sense to Mum. At the moment she is getting very frustrated with not being able to understand exactly how it will all work.

Time.

This is becoming a real struggle. Day, night, morning, evening all seem to be melding into one, but in no particular order. "I might go up" meaning to bed can be heard several times a day, and at any point in the day. Getting up in the night is becoming more regular, I think if she sleeps for half an hour then wakes she just assumes its morning so gets up. I find myself sleeping very lightly as I always have one ear open for Mum, just in case she gets up in the night.

Words.

The words seem to be leaving mum at a fair old speed at the moment. Whether this is a temporary glitch with all the work going on causing confusion remains to be seen. Hopefully some of them will come back when she can concentrate more.

Me.

One aspect of caring for a dementia sufferer that I really haven't dealt with is the psychological effect of  watching the disease eat away at the sufferer. I've never been a great one for expressing my feelings, facts and figures fine, feelings not so fine. To watch your Mum, someone who has always been a pillar of strength for you, gradually slip away is a hard thing to come to terms with. The feeling of helplessness mixed with anger that cant be shown. With most other diseases its easy to discuss needs and requirements of the sufferer, with dementia that gets harder and harder as it progresses, but, no matter how much you feel like shouting and swearing you have to suppress it for their sake. I think I need to learn to shout and swear to clear my system every now and again.

If you have a minute or two i would like you to read this blog written by someone I talk to on twitter. Be warned its a bit sweary but it says a lot of things I would like to shout about myself.